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God

But life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite all the shrill tinsel gaiety of “parties” with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. & when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless & feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment & companionship - but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible & overpowering.

I desire the things that will destroy me in the end.

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